Ekker Law, P.C. / Steven B. Ekker, Esq.

Divorcing a Narcissist? Expect Trouble

 Posted on August 15, 2022 in Divorce

Kane County Divorce LawyerBeing married to a narcissist can be impossible. A narcissist is so focused on themself that they cannot fully commit to a marriage. They cannot be in an equal partnership. When you realize that the person you are married to is a narcissist and unwilling to change, divorce may be your best option. If this is the situation you are in, you should know that your path to a final divorce decree may be a bit bumpy. Narcissists are unlikely to cope well when their spouse decides to leave. It is very important that you are represented by a tough attorney who can fight back if your spouse tries any dirty tricks during the divorce process

What to Expect When You Leave a Narcissistic Spouse

Ending a marriage is always going to be complicated in some way. If you are going up against a narcissist, you can expect them to try a few less-than-fair tactics, such as: 

  • Grandiose gestures - If your spouse does not want to get divorced, they may go to great lengths to win you back. They may offer you all sorts of gifts, or swear to commit to therapy, or make grand romantic gestures. A narcissist will expect to be perceived as a hero for “saving the marriage.”  It is best to ignore this behavior. If you call off the divorce, it is highly unlikely that anything will change

  • Protection orders - Do not be shocked if you are abruptly served with a protection order. If you and your spouse still live together, make a plan for where you would go if this happens. Narcissists may make false accusations in an attempt to vilify the spouse who is leaving them

  • Unreasonable demands - Your spouse wants to keep the house, the kids, the pets, the retirement fund, and just about everything else. Do not worry too much when you see your spouse making wild demands or absurd accusations. Marital property in Illinois is divided in a way that is fair to both parties according to state law, and your spouse is not above the law even if they think they are

  • Litigation - Narcissists do not like to compromise–they like to dictate everything. Efforts to resolve the divorce issues through mediation or negotiation are less likely to succeed, so litigation may be your only option for getting divorced

Remember that you have the power to divorce your spouse with or without their cooperation. It is critical that you have excellent legal representation throughout this process.  



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